My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
