He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
