i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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