I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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