drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
