guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
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