I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Randomize
