well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
