How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
