Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Randomize
