Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
