you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
