I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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