She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Randomize
