and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
