Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
So. Much. Porn.
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