dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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