My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
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