She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
