Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
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