I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
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