Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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