he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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