apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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