Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
