My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
