and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
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