there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
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