He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
