ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
