Don't you send me to vm
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
