We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I am available for nakedness
This couple is walking their pig around campus
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