bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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