perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
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