uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
