Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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