U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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