I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Randomize
