i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
