I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
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