covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
