Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
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