You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?