it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Randomize
