oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
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