Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
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i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
25 People Confess Their Favorite Way To Annoy Their Significant Other
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts