i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here