shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I can text with my tongue
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Randomize
