just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
pop tarts are not kleenex
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
