Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
