i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
