id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
