so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
