Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Randomize
