So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
