who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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