i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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