I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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