My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
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I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
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I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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