I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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