Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Randomize
