All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
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is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
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I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
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