Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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