let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
