you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize