Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
