mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Randomize
