marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
