Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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