I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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