2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
