goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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