Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
