i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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