I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
