I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Randomize
