Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
