I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
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