I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
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